First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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