I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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