he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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