My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
