you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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