I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
