was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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