that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
