That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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