Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
