If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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