Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
