she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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