he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
