Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
