marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
