i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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