The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
