Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
