The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
