remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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