i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
