blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
