I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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