Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
