Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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