Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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