Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize