There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
