Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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