blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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