we're chasing vodka with high fives
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
