Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
