there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
