3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
