i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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