Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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