don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
