I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
