yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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