OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
