I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
from now on my penis is your penis
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
