saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
