I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
