I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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