oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
