if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
