My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
