I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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