We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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