I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
