You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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