Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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