You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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