If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
