idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
