Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
