Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
