I smell stomach acid.
People in love make me want to vomit
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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