I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
