If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
