Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize