I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
