I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
